This is a very short update. In my last blog post, There’s writing on the wall, I explored the uncertainty of my current situation. There was clarity, the tumour has grown back. The team were very clear with us and we knew where we stood. What we didn’t know was when surgery and chemo might start. I grabbed onto that uncertainty to avoid clarifying the situation for myself and for anyone reading my blog (I’m in no doubt most of you guessed). I’m not going to apologise for this; it feels like a normal human reaction. Push the bad news out of frame in favour of uncertainty to ease the feelings of fear, anger and sadness; to avoid crystallising the situation. If I feel I can avoid being too maudlin and self-centred I might explore these three sets of feelings in a future post. 

I’ve now been back to hospital for some pre-assessment tests and have a date for my next brain surgery to try to get the tumour out of my head. I’ll be back under the knife very early next Tuesday morning and in for 5-7 days. Having certainty about the next steps, particularly so quickly, at a time when the NHS is under such strain, has really lifted my mood. It’s out of my hands, all I can do is not catch COVID, trust in the surgical team, and hope that this time we can catch all the mutant cells and get rid of them. 

Picture description: A woman in a stripy black and white shirt stands in front of a zebra crossing. The lines on the shirt are between the zebra crossing lines. Picture credit: centrifuga on flickr

3 January 2024